I tend to get anxious over the first post of the new year. Honestly, it’s a post a write more for myself than for the reader because it’s a great personal checks and balances from year to year. But it’s always hard to know where to begin and where to end. Usually, a few days in, something will just come to me, a way to sum up one year and start a new one, and the words will start to flow. But sixteen days into 2014, nada. After a hectic fall / December, I’ve been a bit behind on things I would normally die at the thought of (late Christmas gifts, forgetting birthday’s, etc.) but oddly wasn’t that bothered this time around. I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me. And as I reread my first post of 2013, I started to fear that maybe I’d let go a little too much.
We were having afternoon tea, our 2nd annual to start the new year, when my husband received an email relating to a problem with his business. He was frustrated but calm and we spent a few minutes venting before directing the conversation back to more pleasant things, little things – like how pretty the setting was and what a perfect day (rainy) for warm tea. And during this, I got teary. I wasn’t sad, just literally living to the point of tears. It was the first time I realized this is something that happens to me often. It happened here. And here.
Then, listening to this audiobook a week later, a sentence grabbed me.
“With each small cry, it feels less a release and more like an irrepressible unfiltered tenderness at being fully here. The more of these moments I experience, the less a problem it seems, for isn’t this what I’ve been after, to be this close to life, to be pricked beneath the surface of things? Isn’t anything that keeps us this close to life a gift?” – Mark Nepo
- Define my actionable goals. I know what you’re thinking, “shouldn’t that be the content of this post??”. Well, yes. It should. But as I mentioned, I’m behind on stuff.
- Continue the internal work. Wanna read this daily, and go to that.
- More family/friend time. Being busy is really just a lame excuse.
- Read more (Audible counts). At the very least, 13 books this year. Starting with this book club.
- Keep traveling. Nothing renews me more.
- Blog more. This site has gone from stationery, to fashion, to hopefully a little more personal this year. Ideally, I envision a virtual scrapbook to look back on in years to come. I’m not planning on going back to a post per day habit, but you’ll be seeing a bit more of me around in 2014.
- Keep up with the purging. I’m going to be ruthless this year, if I don’t love it, it goes.
- Live to the point of tears.
- And obviously, more theme parties!