If I could only choose one thing to be thankful for this year, it would have to be this little girl right here. At this time last November, I was in the final days of pregnancy. And this year, we’re a little less than a week away from celebrating her first birthday. (And, no, I have no idea how that happened either.)
I never could have imagined anything quite like this motherhood journey. The amount of love. The instincts. The savoring of every moment so much it hurts. Every age and stage is bittersweet. From the first moment I held her, the first time she smiled, rolled, sat, stood, cooed, crawled, and most recently, walked. It’s a year of never-ending firsts that happen all to quickly. A new skill or funny face, transformed or forgotten for the next. Don’t blink or you’ll miss it, they said. I didn’t blink, but I already miss it.
This is my last “first” holiday with her and I’m emotional about it.
Alex asks me why I always want to cry when we talk about her growing. And I really don’t know. I’m happy she’s happy. Healthy. Smart. And sweet. As much as she’s learning, also am I. The love she brings to this life is as tangible as reaching out and grabbing it. She has Evelina Grace’d my life with the hugest blessings that come in the form of petite moments. Seeing eyes light up at her first baby doll, experiencing my parents as grandparents, my friends as “aunties”, her tiny, tender hugs, the joy she (and we) find in simple things.
It’s a love so pure and astounding that I think maybe I fear one day it’ll disappear, as quickly as her cute snorty face laugh, or her tiny kicking chicken legs all day every day until one day they just didn’t. But then she started giggling like a little girl and it made my heart smile even bigger. And she stopped kicking because she decided to walk. When she holds my finger for support with her tiny hand my insides turn into a puddle of mush. And maybe that’s why I cry. Because I’m so happy about what she’s done that I forget to think about what’s to come. And because I don’t want to forget a single second of it.
I am so grateful for the “firsts”. And glad they were the first of “many’s”.
So here’s to the past, the present, and everything beyond.
Happy Thanksgiving from me and mine to you and yours!
(And thank you for reading the words I write and supporting me here and elsewhere. It truly means more than you know.)